Now That It's Over

"Should of known better,
then to think,
this was real,
and you could be mine..."



Drake - Something.


A song that I love, but hate that I have to relate to on such a crucial level.

Our time

Together is running short. Or has it already run out? Wish the sand grains in the hourglass could stop. Just another moment. Another moment of us.


Us? What am I saying....?

Random ass moment at 3 AM. I'll be here..

Ever Been in Love?

A question I got on my formspring that I thought was worth blogging.

(click to enlarge)


Formspring me! :D

Miss me?

Oh damn my last post was October 12....this must be my longest slump of not blogging ever. For some reason I've been just urging to blog for a while now yet I never get to it. I normally blog when I have a lot on my mind, and it's not like I haven't had much on my mind lately because I do. I don't know what it is but I'm gonna get back on to blogging. I wonder if anyone even stops by here to see if I updated haha. If so, I apologize for being M.I.A. but here I am :o My next blog post will be a meaningful one I promise. For now, I just wanna update to show I haven't abandoned my blog. If you still stop by and read my gibberish, I wanna thank you. Hopefully you stay around, my blog enjoys your company :]

I'm tired right now though, should be asleep. Liking this new instrumental by the way.

P.S - I just noticed I somehow got a few more followers on my blog haha. Don't know how since I haven't been updating. Wonder how they came across me. Hi new readers :p

Be back soon k?

What to do?

I've hit a wall.
Actually not a wall,
but a split.
A split in the road,
where two choices have come up.
One's thinking for the now,
while the others' for the future.
I don't know which one to follow,
nor what journeys they would take me through
but I do know how each one will end.
How each one will eventually lead to the same thing.
That's what's making this decision so tough to make.
Should I make the most out of the now,
or protect myself from the future.
Is it possible, the ending may be alternated somehow?


Man, decisions..decisions.


How did I even get in this situation?

Just like you...

I get lonely too....

Crazy.

So I met this girl tonight at my house,
and I took a look at her,
and said,
"Hey you know who you remind me of?"
and she asked "Who?"
then I asked for her name again...
and she said it...
and then I said,
"You remind me of Jensuki, you know her? From YouTube?"
She looked at her friend and they laughed.
In my mind I thought,
"Oh it must not be the first time she's heard it?"
Then she tells me it is her.
Then it hit me, I realized again what her name was.
Jenny Suk. It was her.

Haha crazy.

Coincidence?

Wanna know something funny?
I'm learning how to make a website in my new media class.
What a coincidence haha.
All these people telling me to make one is unbelievable.
I think if I did, me and LBM would be having pretty much the same music,
because we have the same sources.
So what difference would me making a site have?
Think about it and get back to me.

:p

My Side.

Was asked on formspring why I was upset about how things went with the LoserBoiMusic site. Had to just say it all one time I guess. Please excuse my grammatical errors and language.

(Click to enlarge)

Yup.

20,000+ Views

Thank you for stumbling upon my blog once in a while and taking time to read my random crap. I did not expect my blog to get read this much when I first started. Glad I say things worth reading.

Yay :D

Ne-Yo - Try Me Out

Ne-Yo made this new track and I don't usually blog about songs but the lyrics to this song is just crazy good. Give it a listen. What you think? :]




"I'm a man with a number of flaws, I won't lie,
But that don't mean pass me by.
And I don't wanna play like I know what you've been through,
Because I don't,
I don't wanna make you think I'll waste your time too,
Because I won't,
I don't want you to look at me like these other dudes,
Because I'm not.
Dissipoint you girl I won't do it,
All I'm askin is a chance to prove it.

Try me out, baby give me a shot,
What you think that I am, let me show you I'm not,
Maybe we'll be a little, maybe we'll be a lot,
Maybe I'm what you're missin', or maybe not.
Try me out. "

Damnnn.

New Instrumental

Love this beat/song

This Time Last Year (Incoming Freshman)

It's crazy, this exact night one year ago was when I slept in my bed, in my own room one last time before I moved out to San Jose. I was excited and nervous as hell. Had all my belongings packed up and ready to move out the next morning. I don't even think I could have slept that easily, that's how anticipated I was for moving out. I remember pulling out my driveway that next morning, with my car full of my stuff, and driving off. I knew from that point on, my life was going to be moving in a whole different direction. I left behind my life in San Leandro and opened my new chapter to San Jose. I know it's not that far, but any distance away from home for some time will change things. Sadly, my ties to home eventually faded and many of my friends became acquaintances and the times we had became old memories.

I remember pulling up to the campus, SJSU. I got to my room and dropped my bags. I arrived. A lil' Asian boy taking his first steps to his new life. I literally came with no one. No one in particular at least. I was all alone. I knew I had to pretty much start all over with my foundations in my soon to be friendships. I really didn't know where to start. I really thought college was going to be something where I would always walk around never knowing anyone to say wassup to.

Luckily, I feel like I was blessed to have met the people I have. Now it seems like I can't walk around campus without seeing someone I know. I would've never thought it would've been like that. It felt like everything just fell into my lap luckily and my road to where I am now was paved out in cement for me.

College so far has been a great journey. I met tons of great people already, and gained many life lasting relationships between my brothers of Delta Sigma Phi.

What's crazy is it has been pretty opposite of what I expected. Like I said, I expected to be some small ass fish in a big ass pond around campus, but it didn't turn out that way.

I thought I would have been eventually hanging out with groups of nothing but Asians, turns out the group I hang out with are nothing but diverse.

I met tons of great girls, but there were actually only a few that made me consider actually pursuing. Unfortunately, I eventually ended up in the same position I was in last year, seeing no potentials.

Overall, I've come a long ass way from a new freshman knowing no one, to the guy I am today. It's just crazy how exactly one year can change so much.

I typed this up because school is literally right around the corner (3 days from this date) and I can't help but remember how this was last year for me. In fact, I'm still excited and nervous about what this year has to offer, but I'm ready for it. I can't wait really.

I just wanted to type this up, not only to remember how this all started, but because I know many people will be the new freshman of other colleges soon, beginning their new lives. I just wanna tell you guys that everything's going to be fine and that it's perfectly normal to feel afraid/nervous/or alone in the first days. Just settle in, and embrace it! Embrace and enjoy your new journeys. Meet new friends! Welcome to college!

And on the other side, to the new Seniors of this year in high school, have damn fun with it, it's your year now and you damn well deserve it. You earned it and high school's almost over! Woo hoo!

Yeah I'm talking too much now, to cut this I just wanna say I feel truly thankful and humble for the people I have by my side today. I love you guys.

I know it seems cliche but this Drake line really applies right about now:
"I know way too many people here right now that I didn't know last year, who the F are yall?"


Well then, to another year of college!

:D

A Late Thank You.

I know this is pretty late and I know this sounds so cliche but I just want to take the time to say THANK YOU to everyone that sent me any ways of saying happy birthday, whether it was the countless Facebook comments, Twitter, Formspring, the LoserboiMusic site, the countless text messages, and the few phone calls, etc. I still can't believe people from all over the world such as Australia, Brunei, Hawaii, Philippines, and so on, were sending me happy birthdays. I would have never imagined getting that type of love. It might seem like a little comment is simple as hell but it means a lot to me, honestly from the bottom of my heart, the fact that you guys took the time out of your life, set all things aside, just to wish me a happy birthday. I would love to personally respond to each one of your comments but I realized there is just way too many and I don't have the time right now which is why I'm doing this general one. There's some specific birthday things I would like to give appreciation for:

(Click to enlarge any of the images)


-Of course I'd like to thank my mother, I got to have dinner with her on my bday and I told her that none of this would be possible without her. She knows I love her and is so thankful to have the wonderful mother that she is. Sent this in while having my birthday dinner with her.



-So I found out facebook notifications only go up to 100 but there was more. If you were any ONE of these notifications, I want to say thank you so much and that I love you guys. I'll try to reply to as much as I can when I get a chance!


-A birthday shout out from Cathy Nguyen was pretty cool. She's pretty cool ;]

-A shout out from Dev, the one that sings on "Like a G6" was pretty awesome too.

Yeah that's pretty much it. I'm so thankful for everyone that showed me love. It is you guys that make my birthdays as great as they are, I wouldn't know what to do without you guys. Once again, thank you everyone, I love you all, and hope your birthdays are even better!


TY :]

Smile. :)

I had a conversation with one of my coworkers today,
she smiled the same adorable smile she gives me every time I look at her,
so I asked her, "What is it that makes you give me that smile whenever I look at you?"
and she said,
"Oh you don't remember?"
and reminds me of one of the first things I said to her when I first started working at Forever.
She said "remember when you first started working here and I wouldn't talk to you much,
I remember smiling once around you and you just randomly told me "You should smile more often, you have a nice smile" so from then on, I've smiled at you since." then she said "I remember thinking that was really sweet of you, like no one really says that you know?"
Isn't that just cute?
It was crazy because I actually did remember saying that to her.
It just comes to show how much the simplest things like that little sentence can change how someone is to you, like I never would've imagined those words would be the reason she smiles whenever she sees me, but I'm glad it is.


So smile that beautiful smile of yours. Happy August! Beautiful month isn't it? :)

She's cute huh?

Unpublished 1: Ha.

(Typed on 6/16/2010)

I never denied the fact that it was all on me. In fact, I told everyone that it was all on me. Never have I ever put it on you. If I were to describe my ideal girl, I would describe you head to toe. I will always accept the fact that I'm to blame.

(Today)
I still believe in these words. I typed this up when I was thinking about the whole situation between me and you and I saw what you said about me and yourself. I never published it cuz I felt like it would have been stupid to. But these words have no more value to you.

Sex (Formspring)

Q: how come u only had sex once

A: i dont know how to say it. like, even tho i've already lost it, i still feel like i should have it with a girl thats special to me. i can admit, alcohol played a role in my one time. i dont want to sound cocky, but i'd be lying if i said i didnt have my share of chances already that i've passed up. sex is just something i still have value and ethics behind, i feel like it shouldnt be something i do for the hell of it with just any girl. i think my mindset and how i was raised is based on this: until i experience having it with someone special to me, then will i be comfortable to go ahead and have it with any given opportunity. i've been called stupid by plenty of my friends because of this, how i dont take advantage of my opportunities, but that's just how my mind is and being the hard headed guy that i am, it's difficult for any outside influences to change my mind once it's set. but who knows...if alcohol gets involved, everything i just said might get thrown out the window if a situation between me and a girl gets heated enough. otherwise, i try to hold on to these ethics of mine with the best of my ability. sorry if its stupid. damn, such a small question yet it got a freakin essay of an answer. my bad

Formspring.me

"Sorry"

I'm sorry I'm not good at saying "Sorry".
To be honest, I never....ever...let myself get into that position,
where I have to say "sorry".
I have so much pride,
and too big of an ego,
that I avoid ever getting into that situation at all.
Not saying I'm so egotistic that I would never apologize for anything.
I've just always been the type,
to never say something if I felt it was unnecessary.
And trust me when I say,
I felt this was truly unnecessary...
in your eyes.
I told you myself,
it probably felt like the most irrelevant apology ever.
I felt like my words were falling upon deaf ears.
Truth is, I probably wouldn't have even said it,
had it been between me and any other girl.
Even though I felt myself that it was irrelevant,
I don't even know why,
but I wanted to apologize so bad.
I just always felt like it was something I needed to do.
I felt like you deserved that at the least.
I felt like you deserved to know why,
why I did everything I did.
Why I turned my back when you finally let your guard down.
I spent hours, having late night talks with my bros,
about how stupid I felt, and how much I needed to apologize.
I would always sit and think about everything,
gather up the information I wanted to tell you,
when that time came that we spoke again.
But when it came, my mind went blank.
I was willing to tell you everything,
but you unselfishly shot down my offer of telling you.
And said "Some things are probably better unknown".
It shocked me, yeah,
but it was one of the boldest moves I never saw coming.
I meant everything I said,
and I did not say any of that for any other intentions,
but to let you know how I felt.
Remember I told you,
you can hate me, or call me any type of name,
and I would understand.
You have every right to.
I didn't do this with any intentions to regain your friendship,
because, I'll admit it, I don't even deserve it.
So yeah, I'm sorry that my apologies suck,
but I just never had many experiences like that.
"What made you want to say sorry now?"
Sorry I couldn't even answer your one question to me.
I'm sorry for taking so long to say it.
I'm sorry for not being able to find the words to say.
I'm sorry for the way I even apologized.
I'm sorry.
For it all.



Seems weird... apologizing for the way I apologized...foolish thoughts...

Saved Drafts

I was bored and looked into my blog archives in my dashboard. Crazy thing is, I have tons of blogposts that I had typed up, putting my current emotions and thoughts into, that are just saved as drafts. Never published them. Like they were just some crap I needed to lay out to have the feeling of getting them off my shoulders. Reading them over is pretty crazy because it makes me relive those emotions again of that exact moment. Some deep ass things though man. If only you readers can see it. Damn.


On a side note: I know I'm late but happy July everyone, hope your Summer is going great. I know I haven't been updating my blog as much as some would hope I would, but I'll try to put in some time for you readers now&then. :]


Now I have the urge to publish them...hmm...should I?

Formspring.me :p

Some Things Never Change.

I posted this on about a year and a half ago, and yet it still applies:

http://wthtony.blogspot.com/2009/02/its-official.html

Sad huh?

Lookin' at any girls in my life right now, or any potentials, I STILL feel like the girl for me, isn't here in my area. I have already came to the conclusion that she's not gonna be from my hometown, and now I feel like the girl for me wouldn't be from San Jose State either (is it too soon to say?). I don't even know why, but most girls around here are pretty similar to me, they don't really intrigue me. All the girls that have intrigued me before to the point where it was worth pursuing, I let them slip me by or messed it up like an idiot. The cute girls-are party girls. The bad girls-are always around asking for trouble. The good girls-are already taken. The girl for me-is yet to be found. Plain and simple, I think I need to expand my network or travel around if I want any chance in finding her. I think it's safe to say there's no point in searching around here anymore. But who knows, some girl might come around to make me say I spoke too soon. Or...I posted too soon...




Am I just too picky?

Random notes

Hi.

- Summer is very boring so far, save me?

- I feel less wiser since I got my wisdoms pulled. Was I wise to begin with? :o

- My cheek is almost fully un-swollen! No more chipmunk status. :]

- Go to EDC? ...nahhhhh.

- I wanna play basketball

- Craving some Thai food.

- I feel there is a potential apple of my eye, but I'm playing it real slow. I feel like I'm holding a lot back right now. Don't know if it's a good idea to pursue. Many things saying I should, but many things saying I shouldn't. Time will tell. She's cool :]

- I wanna talk to her right now shhh :p

- Happy summer! Lovin the weather lately.

-Hughughughug hihihi. I am really bored haha. :P

I Know It's Been a While.

But is it weird if I check up on you here and there?
Just to see how you're doing.
See how's life treating you,
how you're doing in school,
how are the guys treating you.
If you're currently happy or not.
Would be lying if I said I didn't miss having your friendship.
I'll admit it,
I peek your blogs from time to time,
just to see what's currently on your mind,
and how you're feeling.
Don't get me wrong,
in no way at all does this mean,
I still feel for you that way,
It's just who I am to be curious,
about how's everything going on with you.
Sadly because of the way things ended between us,
I can't just talk to you directly to see for myself.
But even though we didn't end so well,
it doesn't mean I don't care how you're doing.
I have too much pride to tell you directly,
but I hope you're doing fine.

A Very Sweet Message.

From a new blog reader.

(CLICK TO ENLARGE & READ)

She's very nice. I'm glad my blogs still appeal to people! But damn, 80% of my blog? That's torture! Lol @ her request to not blog that haha. :P

Unfortunately, a Rare Breed.

I'm not saying this is a rare breed meaning girls are only beautiful with make-up on, but that girls nowadays have too little self-confidence to even consider having no make-up on in public. You don't need all those material products to be beautiful ladies. Sighhh :\

I See The Finish Line.

Finals are coming! AHHHHHHHHH! I hate it :[ so stressful during these last days, but it's almost over! Just gotta finish strong, tell my self over and over, gotta finish strong.

Has it been a whole school year already? Feels like just yesterday I took my first steps on the campus of SJSU, unpacked my things, moved into my dorm room and said, "Let college begin!" and now I'm in my last weeks of the year already. Damn how time flies huh? Part of me feels like I've grown so much over this time, and part of me still feels like a kid. But sometimes I forget I'm still young, only 18 still :].

I gotta move out by May 26th, IM COMIN' HOME!

But what am I coming home to? Yeah my family, then what? Maybe 2 or 3 friends that wanna actually hang out with me, I've lost touch with literally everyone from home. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't gonna miss my bros over here, my roomate, and everyone else. I'm probably gonna be spending a lot of time over the summer just playing a whole lotta black top basketball. I dont know what I'll do at home really. Probably rot away. I wonder who would put in effort to make time to catch up with me? Hmm..

Well if you didn't know by now, I have recently become part of this music page called Loserboimusic. I just upload music that I personally like for people and hope they enjoy it. So far, the feedback I've been getting is great and it feels good that people are enjoying my taste of music. Hope it stays that way and I continue to give music everyone enjoys B] Check it out if you haven't already. Click the link right up there.

I've noticed I have been getting A LOT of hits on my blog lately even though I havent even updated lately, which is funny because I havent even been posting it up for people to come to my blog (probably will after this one though). I guess they see it off my formspring, speaking of which, leave me something :P

This was just an update for those new incoming views to have something up to date to read about. Its hard for me to have time to post something that is heart felt nowdays since time is hard for me to come by right now.

I will be posting a good one soon if I get the time. Until then, if you want a good read, scroll all the way down and look at my posts that I put into "Worth Reading" :]


Deuces.

NOTE TO SELF

UPDATE NIKKA! AHHH!

My Weakness With Girls.

Only a few know this,
and I know I'm not suppose to publicize my weaknesses,
but I feel like saying it will help me get overcome it.
I have one major weakness when it comes to girls,
and that weakness can be one of the simplest things,
and yet it is so complicated to me.
That weakness is...

Eye Contact.

I suck at it!
Yeah, stupid right?!
Every time I happen to have eye contact with a girl,
my eye reflexively looks away....fast!
Like, I even know it makes her know I was looking,
and my awkward look-away just shows it even more,
but my reflex does it anyways!
I don't want to sound conceited,
but even when I know a girl is looking at me,
I can't return eye contact without looking away.
It's really my weakness!
At my job of Forever21,
you don't even know,
HOW many times this happens to me!
Especially when it's someone I wouldn't mind meeting,
I tend to look away and walk in a different direction.
Is it because I'm too inexperienced at this?
Not that type to do some smooth check out look?
No game?
Too shy?
Scared of doing something ugly when she looks?
Scared I have something on my face like ketchup?
Scared I have a pimple as huge as a mosquito bite that
looks worse in another person's eyes?
I don't know what it is but,
I SUCK AT EYE CONTACT!
Plain and simple.
So yeah...someone help me :[

(This only applies for girls I haven't met yet lol )

Untitled Thought

Dont be disappointed that it's over, but glad that it happened at all.

I needa post a good blog, feels like its been so long. Soon ? :]

Actions

If actions speak louder than words,
your actions say it all.
I can hear it speaking loud and clear.

Appreciation

It feels nice when what you did,
and what you put your thought into,
time into,
energy into,
work into,
logical consideration into,
feelings into,
investments into,
trust into,
took your chances into,
determination into,
and beliefs into is actually appreciated.

Is that so much to ask for? Guess so huh...





Goodbye.

Wise Lesson From My Speech Teacher.

"You always want to end with a strong conclusion,
it's like your final impression.
It is up to you how you leave your audience.
It is like the icing on the cake or the cherry on top.
Don't mess it up, because it leaves an everlasting image."

Funny how a speech outline is a lot like life huh?

What I tell people who just ended a relationship.

The force of this door closing will only open up many more doors with it. Everything's gonna be okay :)

In a Perfect World

We'd be together.

Kid Cudi

"I've got some issues that nobody can see,
and all of these emotions are pouring out of me.
I bring them to the light for you,
It's only right."

-Kid Cudi (Soundtrack 2 My Life)

Slow it Down.

I'm tired of living life in the fast lane.
It's like I'm tryna' switch lanes,
but the car in front is going too slow,
and ones driving too close to my side,
and another driver is tailgating my ass,
so I cant.
Even when I signal for about a bajillion miles.
So I'm just stuck,
Stuck livin' life in the fast lane.
Can you help me slow down?

Erased

Just a thought,
You know how everyone always says,
"I wish I never met you"
or
"I wish I can forget you".
Do they actually mean it?
Honestly, if there was a button,

that can make a person you felt this way about,

disappear like they never existed,
but everything else stayed the same,
would you press it?
Would you be able to actually do it?
Even though I've said this a few times,
I don't think I would be able to do it.
Because I believe,
everything happens for a reason,
every person you meet is for a reason,
every moment is for a reason
some just take longer to get than others.
So even though some people
have really made me think
"I wish I never met you"
I know everything is just
a lesson I can learn from.


P.S-thanks for anyone who thought the lyrics prior to this post were good, and thank you for taking time out of your day to read the thoughts of a guy like me. :]

If You Were My Girl.

Something I did while I was bored. Swear I came up with all this on my own. Would sound nice if it was actually recorded over Beyonce's Instrumental (If I Were a Boy). Try and sing it to the instrumental HERE. Wish I had a good enough voice to do it haha. I know it's cheesy but hey I'm no song writer. I was bored okay! :


If you were my girl
Even just for one day
I would say you look so beautiful
Even when you aren't near ready

Hang out with bros
And care less if it shows
That I'm with you and you're with me
I swear I'd want everyone to know
Cause' your perfect for me

If you were my girl
I think you would understand
How it's like not being neglected
I swear I am the better man
I'd make time for her
Cause I know how she hurts
When she feels like she's not wanted
Cause he's taking her for granted
Man it'd be the best feelin' in the world

If you were my girl
You would hit up my phone
Tell everyone it's important
Have em' thinking it's bad til' my smile shows
Damn time to wake up
Forgot I can't let you know
Cause you already have a guy
And everyone tells me to let go (to let go)

If you were my girl
I think you would understand
How it's like not being neglected
I swear I am the better man
I'd make time for her
Cause I know how she hurts
When she feels like she's not wanted
Cause he's taking her for granted
Man it'd be the best feelin' in the world

It's a little too late for me to turn back
It was just a mistake
Thinkin' I'd get her like that
Here I thought that you felt it too
I thought wrong

And you're still his girl
You won't understand (yeah you wont understand)
What's it like to want that person
Knowing that you, never can
He don't make time for her
He don't care how she hurts
He better realize what he has
And stop taking her for granted
Before someone else gives her the world

But your still his girl...

ROBO.TO

Jenn got me on this cool lil hype. I can just record any lil thing and it shows. You can see it on the right of my blog. Cool huh!

http://robo.to/wthTONY

The Feeling is Mutual.

Personally, I don't think there's a feeling worse than feeling like you're the only one trying in a possible relationship. This probably applies for any friendship, not just someone I may be 'talking' to, but any friendship. I hate it when I feel like I'm the only one trying to talk to the other person. Why do I always have to say something first? Is there a rule that the guys always have to talk first? Guys like to feel like their company is wanted too you know, girls aren't the only ones. For some reason, if I'm the one that has to start a conversation with a girl first, I feel like I'm the only one wanting to actually talk, while she is only talking to me since I talked first. I often get someone telling me "wow you never talk to me anymore!" or "i miss you! but you never talk to me!" and the first thing that would go through my mind is "well that's a two way road ya know!". How can someone say you never talk to them when they never attempt to talk to you? If they don't talk to me in a while, I tend to feel like they don't have time or I'd be annoying them so I decide to just leave them be.

Honestly, I know this sounds cheesy and all, but I truly smile when someone I want to talk to hits me up first because it shows me they actually wanna talk and that I slipped into their mind just enough for them to strike a conversation. I've been through things in the past where I would be the one to hit up the girl, I actually had a thing for, first all the time, and when I felt like it was only me trying, I would stop and the feelings would fade. Then later on, I would find out she liked me too and that she didn't understand why I would just suddenly stop talking to her. Well now you know.

Ladies, I know you like to play hard to get or don't wanna come off as easy and what not, but it doesn't hurt to show a little mutual feeling towards that guy. I don't think girls understand that we guys love it when the girl shows she wants to spend time with us too. If you like him too, show a little something that says there's something there instead of leaving him feeling like its not mutual. Trust me when I say this, if you don't show us the feeling is mutual, when it is, we will eventually stop trying and possibly miss out on something that could have been great.


Ahhh who am I to say though right?! :p

Love From Australia!

(click to enlarge)

Yes this is legit, yes she is from Australia, yes she is saying she enjoys my blog, and no i did not photoshop this! Check my formspring for yourself. Yeah, I'm as stunned as your are. How crazyyy! Thank you Alexis, you make me want to blog more often. I dont know how you came across my blog but I'm glad you did. And for you to show me love tells me I'm doin somethin right. Hope I keep you entertained with this boring ol' blog :p

Much Love to the few of my readers that remain. <3

slept on

found some good blogs in my drafts that i never got to finish, just slept on em. hmm i should finish them.

Damn..

Turns out I was the oblivious one in the end...



Foolish me.

First Impressions.

This is not a well known fact about me, but first impressions stick with me forever. Someones first impression determines how I see them for pretty much as long as I know them, for the most part. Unless, they really change my mind once I get to know them. I don't know if any one else is like this, but I really pay attention to the first few moments that I meet someone. How they are willing to be when they first meet someone really says something about them. I always try to make a good first impression when I meet someone and hope it was a good one. Whether its with a new potential friend, coworker, boss, teacher, or whoever, the first impression will always be a strong factor in any type of relationship. I tend to hate people who's first impression was such a bitch to me, and I tend to like someone who treats me with a smile on our first meeting. So if I'm bitter to you, and you really don't see why, think back to how we first met and ask yourself if it was a good first impression. Chances are it wasn't if I'm not very nice to you.

It's true what they say, you don't get a second chance for your first impression.

I felt like posting this up because its something that's been really going through my mind lately. I am currently in situations where I don't even want to get to know someone because their first impressions were that bad to me. Maybe I'm missing out on some potentially great people, but oh well. Sometimes those people who gave me bad first impressions randomly do something I think is nice and its like I don't even accept it just because I feel like they already messed things up. That's just how I am though. Sorry :\

Something I Think of Everyday,

"And ain't it shameful
how niggas blame hoes,
for given birth,
to a baby that took two to make.
Coward nigga you a fake.
How you gon' look in yo son's face and turn yo back,
then go start another family, dawg, what type of shit is that."

-J. Cole

Really late anniversary!

Was suppose to be on January 20th but i completely forgot, but it has been a year since i started this blog! happy anniversary blog, u know ur my only true way of venting and keeping me sane :p. damnnnnnn! now i can look back a year ago to the current date and see what was going on with me at the time. feels like just yesterday i was bored outta mind and decided to make this thing. cant believe i still do it haha. as a matter of fact, im like the only one that actually does still blog out of the people i follow -_-. everyone switched over to tumblr. ahh oh well.

one thing thats funny to look at is my post on valentines last year. funny because i ended up having a valentine that night last year. ahh funny funny. im sure some people can still relate to that one. although valentines was a few days ago too. damn im so late. fck my busy life! ahhhhh! back with some updates soon C:

So close, and yet, so far.

Once again, my conscious has won me over.
Everyone was telling me this.
"Let it off your chest,
it'll help you get over her.
If she rejects you,
than at least you know.
If something happens,
than it happens.
But just get it off your chest,
and it will do way more than bottling it up."
Okay I'll do it.
I needa get it out.
Let her know, that I understand what shes in,
but its just something thats been on my mind.
I planned it all out.
When and how I was going to tell her how I felt.
But then my conscious came along and told me;
"What's the point when you know
she's just gonna reject you?
What do you gain from that?
Fuck it, there's no point.
Sure you'll wonder "what if" for a while,
But what can you do?
Besides, she doesn't even notice.
Just let it go man,
time will let her fade."
You win.
Dammit I hate you.
But your right.
I can't do it.
Besides, I know I'm wasting my time.
So yeah...
I let her go...
But did I ever really have her?

This is the story of me coming literally THIS close to telling her what she will never know. Man I'm done with this.

C:

You know I'm there.

The lineup is Jay-Z, Trey Songz, Young Jeezy. I got two tickets, only need one. Tryna find someone to go with aside from the bunch of my friends that got the tickets with me lol. March 24th. Will you be there?

J.Cole is too good.

"Seems like I always had crushes on chicks I couldn't have
And then I end up fucking with someone I shouldn't have
See, in my mind, it's like I'm perfect for her, I gotta show her
But sadly, in reality, dog, I don't even know her
But still somehow she got my mind infatuated
Absolutely fascinated with the thoughts of what she might be like
Time after time after time I had to wait,
Is fate procrastinating?
I can take it 'cause I might be right, 'cause it's

Chorus (x2):
The girl of my dreams
Ay, is she good as what she seems?
Or am I lying to myself?
Ay, should I try and get some help?"

I think its safe to say

I'm over her :P

I need a new car.

agh! so many problems with my car right now. i was on the way back to san jose from work at the oracle arena tonight and the battery dies on me near my house so i tried to make it atleast home but could only make it to this nearby walgreens. i call up jesse and he comes to give my car a jump (thanks bro), afterwords, i go back to my house to get some things i forgot to bring back to san jose with me, and as i enter the house, i leave me car on so the battery can keep on, but then my car was making some wierd noises like it was trying to accelerate on its own but couldnt, when i returned to my car it was still making that noise, then all of a sudden, it dies again!!! so now i think either my batteries dunzo or my alternator is dunzo. either one, im carless right now. i think my cars time is coming D':

so now i am at my house in tennyson and decided to just update my blog in my free time. typing this on my computer for once, man i never use this anymore, just like old times when i use to blog all the time on this! but this thing freezes and lags so much i think it has every virus possibe lol.

right now im waiting for my roomate, he was cool enough to offer to come pick me up and i can leave my car at home. because i have homework that i need to do tomorrow morning and class, i cant spend the night here at home. hopefully i can get it fixed tomorrow since i have work all weekend.

well i have some updates i should put in here:

school started for me this week! so far, i think all of my teachers seem cool and i am aiming for better grades this semester. surprisingly, i have a good amount of people i have met before in some of my classes. i didnt think that would happen on a college campus with tons and tons of students. school and work are both very time consuming and i need to manage them well or else i am going to explode.

speaking of work, working with the warriors is back to being a big hassel because now i have to drive from san jose to oakland to get to the arena and that is such a drag. and honestly, its not that worth it. i have 6 games schedualed to work in the month of feb.

work at forever21 has been the same but everyones hours been getting cut. i have been reduced to about 1 or 2 days a week. i usually always work the weekends with forever, but in feb, i am schedualed about 3-4 games with the warriors over the weekend so i dont know what to do! im getting tired of the job with warriors, the pay and watching them lose is not even worth the drive there -_-

if anyone is wondering about how my crush is going, its fading away now. i havent talked to her in what seems like forever, but not really, which could be a good or bad thing depending on how i look at it. from time to time i find myself wondering to myself if she knows or not, inna way i think she does, but she probably doesnt and my minds playing tricks on me. i think i hide it pretty well? its possible she can see right through my act and see how i feel. but if so, she wouldve done something about it right? ahh ionno. oh well it doesnt matter anymore. as far as i know, she's happy. so everything works out :) we're allllll happyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

well, im typed out, hopefully i can update here and there but with school and work and everything, time is of the essence.

ohp! my roomate just called and said he's here right now haha good timing to finish this blog.

cross my fingers for my baby Aurora (my car's name) and hope she makes it out of this ok!

p.s- formspring me if u read this! click here to do so :D

the winner.

fuck...breaking my own promise, but i got to. those of you who keep asking me to let em know who she is. i wont! and if ur trying to figure it out, u probably wont! only 5 people know who she is. 1 of them said play it day-by-day, 2 of them said take my chances and go for it, and the last 2 said i shouldnt have fallen for her and that i should stop.

the line that i was told that's winning in my mind is:

"You set yourself up for heartbreak the moment you fell for her."

weird thing is i knew i did..and yet i still fell. stupid tony.


but im making progress in letting it go! believe thattttt.

C:

One more week.

of break! nooooo! i dont want to start having hw again! :[ oh well im excited for what this semester has in store for me. and i cant wait to see my friends over there again! yahoooooo.

i was suppose to go to work today at 11 so i set my alarm to 9:30...PM not AM! so like a dumbass i woke up at around 12:40 like "wtf why didnt my alarm go off!" -_-. called the store and my manager said "its okay, can you close tomorrow then?" craaaaaap. so im closing tuesday night now. D:

my last days of break consist as this:

Tuesday-lunch/chill/catch-up with Darlene, closing at work
Wed- no plans (great mall anyone???)
Thurs- no plans
Friday-was suppose to go watch Legion with Nancy but i forgot i have to work the warriors game that night! :[
Sat- working 4-close.
Sun- should be working this day. always work sundays. not sure yet since thats next weeks schedule. possibly moving back to the dorm
Mon- should be back to the dorms

so im pretty booked the rest of my days. only free ones are just wednesday and thursday. mannn i work too much. im too young for this life haha.

so recently a lot of people have been telling me they read my blogs and that i seem so sad n stuff, just wanna say, im fine! its nothing, really! thanks for all that have been asking though. and no, i will not tell you who she is. its pointless and im trying to stop these feelings haha.

dont worryyyy im fiiine. :) see?

so now that youve seen my schedule this week, lets make plans for wednesday or thursday! i wanna go to great mall and get some new clothes. i have that feeling like im out of clothes and i hate that feeling. lemme know if ur tryna kick it before i go back to school!

till next time :)

Last Dedication.

Okay this is it, promise this will be my last one about her. Ionno how I came across this song, but its pretty much every thing I'm feelin' put into one song. Its crazy how much this song hits me. The first and second verse. wow...got it on replay.

p.s- jesse didnt i tell u exactly what the hook says about her?

Just a Dream?

gotta post this early while its fresh in my head.

trust me when i say this is all true and that i really dreamed of this. okay so last night I couldn't sleep for a while, i tried to close my eyes for a while and just knock out but i couldnt. then all of a sudden, "she" gets into my thoughts and then i think about everything that makes me believe it isnt possible between us and that i should just stop thinking about her. doing this doesnt really help me sleep at all and it keeps me up for about another hour. before i fell asleep, i literally said to myself, "okay, if i have a dream of her tonight, than it will be a sign that i shouldnt stop these feelings and try to just let them go". so...GUESS WHO WAS IN MY DREAM!? it was so weirdddd. we were at a lil kick it, and it wasnt just a dream where i happen to just see her randomly either, we actually talked, and i talked to my other friend about what was actually going on between me and her. in my dream, my friend says, "yeah man i talked to her and its weird cuz we brought you up and she told me she had a crush on you and that you didnt see the signs she was hinting you so she stopped" and i just said "dude are u fuckin serious....? what signs!? i never saw any signs!" then he goes "yeah man im serious, then she said she saw your blogs and formspring and thought you had feelings for another girl so she didnt wanna give it a chance". and then i just got a look on my face like (D:) . then the rest of the dream was like me playing with a cute lil puppy while she sat on a sofa or something thats all i could remember. but wtf right?! did i dream of her because i was thinking of her, or was it cuz of what i told myself? is it a sign?? wtfffffff! i need to get her outta my head! im making too much of a big deal over this, i mean its just a dream....right?


Damn, how I wish dreams could come true. =\

I think its best

if i just let these feelins go. we arent going anywhere and im just wasting my time. if i could, i would make a move. i dont wanna spend all my time thinking about her and playing out different cute lil scenarios that aren't possible between us. i needa stop thinking about her. i needa let it go. time to do what ur use to Tony, time to let go of what isn't possible and move on.


weeeeeeee :)

what is wrong with me

i keep trying to ignore it and let it go but i cant stop thinking about her. i dont even know why! its like i really try to just do my own thing and tell myself theres no way it can happen, i try to literally ignore her, try to let reality just set in, and right when i feel all is going well, she does something to scramble it all up again and make me wonder. wtffff! i really need to stop this, it is getting to my health...no not really but thats just something i kinda always wanted to say lol. but yeahhh i needa let it go. honestly i feel like my mind is like a mirror house that ur standing in the middle of and no matter how much i try to avoid it, i cant help but see u in it. :\


what did she mean by doing that!? it was just a simple...right?? but she never did that before...what made her do that?! is she trying to mess with my head? was that her way of a sign? i think im just trippin...yeah im just trippin...it was just a simple...just a simple...damn...it really made my heart skip a beat...cant believe it made me smile so big afterwords...fckkkk right when i thought i can stop it...it's probably all in my head...yeah...its just all in my head...im sure that didnt mean anything...right?

Unfamiliar thoughts

"what is this im feeling?
i haven't felt this in a while,
it feels almost unfamiliar,
has it been that long?
whens the last time i felt this?
why am i even feeling this?
its obvious nothing can happen between us,
and yet, my feelings win me over.
my logic is losing this constant battle,
why cant i control it?
what is it about her anyways?
that makes me wanna smile everytime shes near,
or makes me hope its her everytime my phone vibrates,
or makes me not know what to say when we talk,
so i say the first things that come to mind,
and just end up making a fool out of myself.
why do i look forward to seeing her?
why does she make me feel this without even trying?
she just does.
why dont i try to talk to her as much as i want to?
i dont wanna show it.
why dont i let her know?
i just cant.
why do i always want what i can't have?
but what if, just maybe, she feels the same way that i do towards her,
maybe she likes my company,
maybe she looks forward to the next time we meet,
maybe she knows how i feel,
maybe shes waiting for me to make the first move,
who am i kidding, this is all wishful thoughts.
as much as i want to let her know,
i must keep this bottled up.
i cant let her know,
not now, not yet, not later, maybe never.
until he messes up,
i'll be waiting for my chance.
until she shows any signs to me,
i'll be nothing but her secret crush."


these are my current thoughts, and a reminder to myself.

:Y

HAPPY NEW YEARRRR!

damn how time flies, feels like just yesterday it was 2009! haha :P i love that line. HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYONE! i heart u all.

p.s- aw my blog archives is even shorter now :'[