Unfamiliar thoughts

"what is this im feeling?
i haven't felt this in a while,
it feels almost unfamiliar,
has it been that long?
whens the last time i felt this?
why am i even feeling this?
its obvious nothing can happen between us,
and yet, my feelings win me over.
my logic is losing this constant battle,
why cant i control it?
what is it about her anyways?
that makes me wanna smile everytime shes near,
or makes me hope its her everytime my phone vibrates,
or makes me not know what to say when we talk,
so i say the first things that come to mind,
and just end up making a fool out of myself.
why do i look forward to seeing her?
why does she make me feel this without even trying?
she just does.
why dont i try to talk to her as much as i want to?
i dont wanna show it.
why dont i let her know?
i just cant.
why do i always want what i can't have?
but what if, just maybe, she feels the same way that i do towards her,
maybe she likes my company,
maybe she looks forward to the next time we meet,
maybe she knows how i feel,
maybe shes waiting for me to make the first move,
who am i kidding, this is all wishful thoughts.
as much as i want to let her know,
i must keep this bottled up.
i cant let her know,
not now, not yet, not later, maybe never.
until he messes up,
i'll be waiting for my chance.
until she shows any signs to me,
i'll be nothing but her secret crush."


these are my current thoughts, and a reminder to myself.

:Y