She's cute huh?

Unpublished 1: Ha.

(Typed on 6/16/2010)

I never denied the fact that it was all on me. In fact, I told everyone that it was all on me. Never have I ever put it on you. If I were to describe my ideal girl, I would describe you head to toe. I will always accept the fact that I'm to blame.

(Today)
I still believe in these words. I typed this up when I was thinking about the whole situation between me and you and I saw what you said about me and yourself. I never published it cuz I felt like it would have been stupid to. But these words have no more value to you.

Sex (Formspring)

Q: how come u only had sex once

A: i dont know how to say it. like, even tho i've already lost it, i still feel like i should have it with a girl thats special to me. i can admit, alcohol played a role in my one time. i dont want to sound cocky, but i'd be lying if i said i didnt have my share of chances already that i've passed up. sex is just something i still have value and ethics behind, i feel like it shouldnt be something i do for the hell of it with just any girl. i think my mindset and how i was raised is based on this: until i experience having it with someone special to me, then will i be comfortable to go ahead and have it with any given opportunity. i've been called stupid by plenty of my friends because of this, how i dont take advantage of my opportunities, but that's just how my mind is and being the hard headed guy that i am, it's difficult for any outside influences to change my mind once it's set. but who knows...if alcohol gets involved, everything i just said might get thrown out the window if a situation between me and a girl gets heated enough. otherwise, i try to hold on to these ethics of mine with the best of my ability. sorry if its stupid. damn, such a small question yet it got a freakin essay of an answer. my bad

Formspring.me

"Sorry"

I'm sorry I'm not good at saying "Sorry".
To be honest, I never....ever...let myself get into that position,
where I have to say "sorry".
I have so much pride,
and too big of an ego,
that I avoid ever getting into that situation at all.
Not saying I'm so egotistic that I would never apologize for anything.
I've just always been the type,
to never say something if I felt it was unnecessary.
And trust me when I say,
I felt this was truly unnecessary...
in your eyes.
I told you myself,
it probably felt like the most irrelevant apology ever.
I felt like my words were falling upon deaf ears.
Truth is, I probably wouldn't have even said it,
had it been between me and any other girl.
Even though I felt myself that it was irrelevant,
I don't even know why,
but I wanted to apologize so bad.
I just always felt like it was something I needed to do.
I felt like you deserved that at the least.
I felt like you deserved to know why,
why I did everything I did.
Why I turned my back when you finally let your guard down.
I spent hours, having late night talks with my bros,
about how stupid I felt, and how much I needed to apologize.
I would always sit and think about everything,
gather up the information I wanted to tell you,
when that time came that we spoke again.
But when it came, my mind went blank.
I was willing to tell you everything,
but you unselfishly shot down my offer of telling you.
And said "Some things are probably better unknown".
It shocked me, yeah,
but it was one of the boldest moves I never saw coming.
I meant everything I said,
and I did not say any of that for any other intentions,
but to let you know how I felt.
Remember I told you,
you can hate me, or call me any type of name,
and I would understand.
You have every right to.
I didn't do this with any intentions to regain your friendship,
because, I'll admit it, I don't even deserve it.
So yeah, I'm sorry that my apologies suck,
but I just never had many experiences like that.
"What made you want to say sorry now?"
Sorry I couldn't even answer your one question to me.
I'm sorry for taking so long to say it.
I'm sorry for not being able to find the words to say.
I'm sorry for the way I even apologized.
I'm sorry.
For it all.



Seems weird... apologizing for the way I apologized...foolish thoughts...

Saved Drafts

I was bored and looked into my blog archives in my dashboard. Crazy thing is, I have tons of blogposts that I had typed up, putting my current emotions and thoughts into, that are just saved as drafts. Never published them. Like they were just some crap I needed to lay out to have the feeling of getting them off my shoulders. Reading them over is pretty crazy because it makes me relive those emotions again of that exact moment. Some deep ass things though man. If only you readers can see it. Damn.


On a side note: I know I'm late but happy July everyone, hope your Summer is going great. I know I haven't been updating my blog as much as some would hope I would, but I'll try to put in some time for you readers now&then. :]


Now I have the urge to publish them...hmm...should I?

Formspring.me :p