From someone I never talk to anymore

(Click to enlarge)



one of the reasons I stay on this. Thank you.

Okay

I did fuck up. I did change. I did bring this upon myself. It's not all my fault, but majority of it was. Just put all the blame on me.

Just to let you know, Jesse, that blog wasn't all towards you. Matter of fact, there were only a few lines concerning u. For what it's worth, of everyone thats done this to me, I respect you the most for being the only one that's even talked to me about it, and attempted to do something about it. At least you didn't just change on me without saying a word like the others. If anyone deserves to hate me than it's you. I'm sorry that you had to be the one I told "there's nothing worth coming back to". I wasn't even aiming that towards you, I just wanted it to be known. If you had told me that it really impacted you that much than I would've apologized for it way earlier. It's just that you told me off from there on.... but just to confirm ur reactions, the point and laugh part was one of the many that weren't about you, but about marc and morgan cuz all they do is make fun of me for getting cut from the football and basketball team back in early years of highschool which is fucked up cuz i really tried my ass off just to be told i wasnt good enough, and pointing out someones failure is just fucked up in general, also if i remember right, when you quit the fb team, im pretty sure i told you i would've been quit if i was in your position....yeahh ionno what else to say about that.



Thank you for being a good friend and at least trying to talk it out. Unlike them.

How does it feel?

Can you put yourself in my shoes for a minute, and truly tell me how it feels. Can you imagine all of this for me please? How would you feel if you knew you were going to a college with none of your "real" friends at all, and you were forced to start all over. What if you use to actually believe your friends where more of a family to you than your very own blood family, only to see that family turn their back on you. How would you feel, if all you did was try to live the college life you were always picturing, only to get hated for trying to live it. What if you just sat and slowly watched as every fuckin one of your friends faded away from you right in front of your eyes. What if you only sat and asked why, why don't you talk anymore, why don't you laugh with each other anymore, why aren't we friends anymore, and all they say is that you've changed for the bad. What if they never even gave you a chance to see, themselves, if you were the same or not. What would you do if everyone of your bros just hated you without any explanations. What if their perspective on you changed completely only based on what they've heard or read. What if their hate, caused other people to hate you, without them even knowing whats going on. What if you wanted, so fuckin bad, to sit and talk it out in person before it got out of hand but they never even tried before telling u off and cussing you out. How would you feel if every one of your friends ended up talking so much shit about you with no purpose at all. How would you feel if you had no one, at all, looking forward to seeing you when you went back home other then your mother. Do you know how it feels to drive through a town your not wanted in, especially if its your own home town? Do you know what it feels like to drive pass your old friends houses and having to fight the urge to stop and visit? Do you know what its like to have friends that do nothing but point, laugh, and make fun at your failed attempts at things that you fuckin put sweat and tears into? How would you feel if their words made you tear up secretly and you can do nothing but pretend it doesn't hurt you. Do you know how it feels to honestly have no one to spill your true feelings to so that your only option is a blog? Have you typed a blog that made you tear up? And yet they even talk shit about that. Picture all of this shit happening to you. Can you really tell me how it feels? Can you even imagine how much it hurts? I doubt it because this has never happened to you. I just wanted to post this and hope you see what I'm going through. Maybe this will change how you see this situation, or maybe you'll just end up talking even more crap about it. All I'm asking for is one thing, before you go and cuss me out, and go tell others how much I've changed, and talk all the shit in the world about me, just put yourself in my mind for a minute, and if your still able to talk shit about me after knowing all that I've been through, than maybe i just deserve it. Please, don't just sit there and talk negative about me selfishly without seeing it through my eyes, because i know for a fact you don't know how it feels to be the one receiving it.


This blog took me about 2-3 hours to complete even with my full concentration because I put in that much thought. I tried to say it all, but I bet some more is missing. It's like I know what to say, but I just don't know how to say it. Hopefully this is the last time I blog about this. At least that's what I'm intending.

I hope everyone else is doing fine though. Please excuse my emo-self. I'm sorry if this makes anyone feel down. If it helps, I'll end it with one of these... :)

Take this to heart.

look at what your doing in your life right now, what you plan on doing later on, why youre doing it, who youre doing it with, where youre doing it, and ask yourself, where are you going with it? what are you trying to get out of it? if you ask me, you ain't getting shit out of it and youre going nowhere in life. grow up. i know youre reading this.