I think its safe to say

I'm over her :P

I need a new car.

agh! so many problems with my car right now. i was on the way back to san jose from work at the oracle arena tonight and the battery dies on me near my house so i tried to make it atleast home but could only make it to this nearby walgreens. i call up jesse and he comes to give my car a jump (thanks bro), afterwords, i go back to my house to get some things i forgot to bring back to san jose with me, and as i enter the house, i leave me car on so the battery can keep on, but then my car was making some wierd noises like it was trying to accelerate on its own but couldnt, when i returned to my car it was still making that noise, then all of a sudden, it dies again!!! so now i think either my batteries dunzo or my alternator is dunzo. either one, im carless right now. i think my cars time is coming D':

so now i am at my house in tennyson and decided to just update my blog in my free time. typing this on my computer for once, man i never use this anymore, just like old times when i use to blog all the time on this! but this thing freezes and lags so much i think it has every virus possibe lol.

right now im waiting for my roomate, he was cool enough to offer to come pick me up and i can leave my car at home. because i have homework that i need to do tomorrow morning and class, i cant spend the night here at home. hopefully i can get it fixed tomorrow since i have work all weekend.

well i have some updates i should put in here:

school started for me this week! so far, i think all of my teachers seem cool and i am aiming for better grades this semester. surprisingly, i have a good amount of people i have met before in some of my classes. i didnt think that would happen on a college campus with tons and tons of students. school and work are both very time consuming and i need to manage them well or else i am going to explode.

speaking of work, working with the warriors is back to being a big hassel because now i have to drive from san jose to oakland to get to the arena and that is such a drag. and honestly, its not that worth it. i have 6 games schedualed to work in the month of feb.

work at forever21 has been the same but everyones hours been getting cut. i have been reduced to about 1 or 2 days a week. i usually always work the weekends with forever, but in feb, i am schedualed about 3-4 games with the warriors over the weekend so i dont know what to do! im getting tired of the job with warriors, the pay and watching them lose is not even worth the drive there -_-

if anyone is wondering about how my crush is going, its fading away now. i havent talked to her in what seems like forever, but not really, which could be a good or bad thing depending on how i look at it. from time to time i find myself wondering to myself if she knows or not, inna way i think she does, but she probably doesnt and my minds playing tricks on me. i think i hide it pretty well? its possible she can see right through my act and see how i feel. but if so, she wouldve done something about it right? ahh ionno. oh well it doesnt matter anymore. as far as i know, she's happy. so everything works out :) we're allllll happyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

well, im typed out, hopefully i can update here and there but with school and work and everything, time is of the essence.

ohp! my roomate just called and said he's here right now haha good timing to finish this blog.

cross my fingers for my baby Aurora (my car's name) and hope she makes it out of this ok!

p.s- formspring me if u read this! click here to do so :D

the winner.

fuck...breaking my own promise, but i got to. those of you who keep asking me to let em know who she is. i wont! and if ur trying to figure it out, u probably wont! only 5 people know who she is. 1 of them said play it day-by-day, 2 of them said take my chances and go for it, and the last 2 said i shouldnt have fallen for her and that i should stop.

the line that i was told that's winning in my mind is:

"You set yourself up for heartbreak the moment you fell for her."

weird thing is i knew i did..and yet i still fell. stupid tony.


but im making progress in letting it go! believe thattttt.

C:

One more week.

of break! nooooo! i dont want to start having hw again! :[ oh well im excited for what this semester has in store for me. and i cant wait to see my friends over there again! yahoooooo.

i was suppose to go to work today at 11 so i set my alarm to 9:30...PM not AM! so like a dumbass i woke up at around 12:40 like "wtf why didnt my alarm go off!" -_-. called the store and my manager said "its okay, can you close tomorrow then?" craaaaaap. so im closing tuesday night now. D:

my last days of break consist as this:

Tuesday-lunch/chill/catch-up with Darlene, closing at work
Wed- no plans (great mall anyone???)
Thurs- no plans
Friday-was suppose to go watch Legion with Nancy but i forgot i have to work the warriors game that night! :[
Sat- working 4-close.
Sun- should be working this day. always work sundays. not sure yet since thats next weeks schedule. possibly moving back to the dorm
Mon- should be back to the dorms

so im pretty booked the rest of my days. only free ones are just wednesday and thursday. mannn i work too much. im too young for this life haha.

so recently a lot of people have been telling me they read my blogs and that i seem so sad n stuff, just wanna say, im fine! its nothing, really! thanks for all that have been asking though. and no, i will not tell you who she is. its pointless and im trying to stop these feelings haha.

dont worryyyy im fiiine. :) see?

so now that youve seen my schedule this week, lets make plans for wednesday or thursday! i wanna go to great mall and get some new clothes. i have that feeling like im out of clothes and i hate that feeling. lemme know if ur tryna kick it before i go back to school!

till next time :)

Last Dedication.

Okay this is it, promise this will be my last one about her. Ionno how I came across this song, but its pretty much every thing I'm feelin' put into one song. Its crazy how much this song hits me. The first and second verse. wow...got it on replay.

p.s- jesse didnt i tell u exactly what the hook says about her?

Just a Dream?

gotta post this early while its fresh in my head.

trust me when i say this is all true and that i really dreamed of this. okay so last night I couldn't sleep for a while, i tried to close my eyes for a while and just knock out but i couldnt. then all of a sudden, "she" gets into my thoughts and then i think about everything that makes me believe it isnt possible between us and that i should just stop thinking about her. doing this doesnt really help me sleep at all and it keeps me up for about another hour. before i fell asleep, i literally said to myself, "okay, if i have a dream of her tonight, than it will be a sign that i shouldnt stop these feelings and try to just let them go". so...GUESS WHO WAS IN MY DREAM!? it was so weirdddd. we were at a lil kick it, and it wasnt just a dream where i happen to just see her randomly either, we actually talked, and i talked to my other friend about what was actually going on between me and her. in my dream, my friend says, "yeah man i talked to her and its weird cuz we brought you up and she told me she had a crush on you and that you didnt see the signs she was hinting you so she stopped" and i just said "dude are u fuckin serious....? what signs!? i never saw any signs!" then he goes "yeah man im serious, then she said she saw your blogs and formspring and thought you had feelings for another girl so she didnt wanna give it a chance". and then i just got a look on my face like (D:) . then the rest of the dream was like me playing with a cute lil puppy while she sat on a sofa or something thats all i could remember. but wtf right?! did i dream of her because i was thinking of her, or was it cuz of what i told myself? is it a sign?? wtfffffff! i need to get her outta my head! im making too much of a big deal over this, i mean its just a dream....right?


Damn, how I wish dreams could come true. =\

I think its best

if i just let these feelins go. we arent going anywhere and im just wasting my time. if i could, i would make a move. i dont wanna spend all my time thinking about her and playing out different cute lil scenarios that aren't possible between us. i needa stop thinking about her. i needa let it go. time to do what ur use to Tony, time to let go of what isn't possible and move on.


weeeeeeee :)

what is wrong with me

i keep trying to ignore it and let it go but i cant stop thinking about her. i dont even know why! its like i really try to just do my own thing and tell myself theres no way it can happen, i try to literally ignore her, try to let reality just set in, and right when i feel all is going well, she does something to scramble it all up again and make me wonder. wtffff! i really need to stop this, it is getting to my health...no not really but thats just something i kinda always wanted to say lol. but yeahhh i needa let it go. honestly i feel like my mind is like a mirror house that ur standing in the middle of and no matter how much i try to avoid it, i cant help but see u in it. :\


what did she mean by doing that!? it was just a simple...right?? but she never did that before...what made her do that?! is she trying to mess with my head? was that her way of a sign? i think im just trippin...yeah im just trippin...it was just a simple...just a simple...damn...it really made my heart skip a beat...cant believe it made me smile so big afterwords...fckkkk right when i thought i can stop it...it's probably all in my head...yeah...its just all in my head...im sure that didnt mean anything...right?

Unfamiliar thoughts

"what is this im feeling?
i haven't felt this in a while,
it feels almost unfamiliar,
has it been that long?
whens the last time i felt this?
why am i even feeling this?
its obvious nothing can happen between us,
and yet, my feelings win me over.
my logic is losing this constant battle,
why cant i control it?
what is it about her anyways?
that makes me wanna smile everytime shes near,
or makes me hope its her everytime my phone vibrates,
or makes me not know what to say when we talk,
so i say the first things that come to mind,
and just end up making a fool out of myself.
why do i look forward to seeing her?
why does she make me feel this without even trying?
she just does.
why dont i try to talk to her as much as i want to?
i dont wanna show it.
why dont i let her know?
i just cant.
why do i always want what i can't have?
but what if, just maybe, she feels the same way that i do towards her,
maybe she likes my company,
maybe she looks forward to the next time we meet,
maybe she knows how i feel,
maybe shes waiting for me to make the first move,
who am i kidding, this is all wishful thoughts.
as much as i want to let her know,
i must keep this bottled up.
i cant let her know,
not now, not yet, not later, maybe never.
until he messes up,
i'll be waiting for my chance.
until she shows any signs to me,
i'll be nothing but her secret crush."


these are my current thoughts, and a reminder to myself.

:Y

HAPPY NEW YEARRRR!

damn how time flies, feels like just yesterday it was 2009! haha :P i love that line. HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYONE! i heart u all.

p.s- aw my blog archives is even shorter now :'[