"Sorry"

I'm sorry I'm not good at saying "Sorry".
To be honest, I never....ever...let myself get into that position,
where I have to say "sorry".
I have so much pride,
and too big of an ego,
that I avoid ever getting into that situation at all.
Not saying I'm so egotistic that I would never apologize for anything.
I've just always been the type,
to never say something if I felt it was unnecessary.
And trust me when I say,
I felt this was truly unnecessary...
in your eyes.
I told you myself,
it probably felt like the most irrelevant apology ever.
I felt like my words were falling upon deaf ears.
Truth is, I probably wouldn't have even said it,
had it been between me and any other girl.
Even though I felt myself that it was irrelevant,
I don't even know why,
but I wanted to apologize so bad.
I just always felt like it was something I needed to do.
I felt like you deserved that at the least.
I felt like you deserved to know why,
why I did everything I did.
Why I turned my back when you finally let your guard down.
I spent hours, having late night talks with my bros,
about how stupid I felt, and how much I needed to apologize.
I would always sit and think about everything,
gather up the information I wanted to tell you,
when that time came that we spoke again.
But when it came, my mind went blank.
I was willing to tell you everything,
but you unselfishly shot down my offer of telling you.
And said "Some things are probably better unknown".
It shocked me, yeah,
but it was one of the boldest moves I never saw coming.
I meant everything I said,
and I did not say any of that for any other intentions,
but to let you know how I felt.
Remember I told you,
you can hate me, or call me any type of name,
and I would understand.
You have every right to.
I didn't do this with any intentions to regain your friendship,
because, I'll admit it, I don't even deserve it.
So yeah, I'm sorry that my apologies suck,
but I just never had many experiences like that.
"What made you want to say sorry now?"
Sorry I couldn't even answer your one question to me.
I'm sorry for taking so long to say it.
I'm sorry for not being able to find the words to say.
I'm sorry for the way I even apologized.
I'm sorry.
For it all.



Seems weird... apologizing for the way I apologized...foolish thoughts...